This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
