I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Randomize
