That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
