I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
