If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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