Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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