He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
