I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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