My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
