so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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