It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
