naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
