I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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