I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
