I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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