I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
