Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
