booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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