Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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