dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
