AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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