They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize