last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
