Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
