if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
false alarm. still invincible.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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