Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
