Tell her she can't have a vagina
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
