Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
