Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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