I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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