it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Randomize
