He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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