I cut my penus on the lid.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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