in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
