woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
