It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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