but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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