So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
