Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
