Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
