Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
