Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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