Me. At least after what I've been through.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
