God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
