peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
