it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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