I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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