I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
It's Friday. Sex?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
