did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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