We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize