The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
