his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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