it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
