I puked a lego.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
