Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
