i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize