If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
