Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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