ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
