My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
