my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
