My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize