You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
