is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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