You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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