the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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