i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
