i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
