I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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